Halloween Kills (2021) Film Review

Let’s watch an abomination.

Halloween Kills is David Gordon Green’s second entry in his attempt to ruin the legacy of the original classic. While the previous entry (which I didn’t like) at least showed a basic level of competency in filmmaking, this one might be one of the most spectacular misfires in recent memory.

Green seems obsessed with retconning and reclaiming what the series is meant to be. Our previous entry ignores all the sequels (which isn’t in itself a bad idea…) and rewrites the history. Kills opts to retcon the first one because reasons.

One thing that actually worked in Halloween (2018) was the idea that Myers wasn’t this famous boogeyman. He killed a few people and went to prison—something that happens all the time. With all the bad shit in the world no one would notice this one dude. Anyway, this time around we have Anthony Michael Hall give a drunken and soppy speech where they discuss how the town has been haunted by the spirit of Myers and blah blah blah. Aside from being a horribly awkward way to introduce characters, this one let’s you now that even the creators forgot about what occurred in the first one. I mean, I thought it was forgettable, but damn.

We end up with about ten minutes of exposition before the film begins (all of which could have been cut). We’re then treated to Michael Myers transforming into John Wick as he kills hordes of attackers like some sort of super villain. If you cut out all of the extraneous filler crap I think you’d trim the running time by about 65%, which is absurd.

This movie…

What made the original Myers frightening is that he stalked and watched his victims before striking when they were vulnerable or alone. He was never a big burly fighter (leave that to Jason for Pete’s sake). The psychosexual and scopophilia aspects of his character made him different. Here he is just another immortal dude with a variety of weapons. It all means nothing.

Perhaps the oddest part is how they tried to shoehorn in contemporary politics. I heard that Myers was meant to represent Trump and initially thought it sounded dumb, but it tracks, and it is still dumb. Even the lead actresses admitted to wanting this portrayal. You see, the townsfolks want “Evil to die tonight” and chant this incessantly as they eventually riot and cause the death of the wrong person. The mob mentality scenes are perhaps the most unnerving, but it doesn’t fit as Myers doesn’t give a shit about this. Don’t worry though, they have totally remade what Myers is and given him platitude filled reasons for how this is his “masterpiece.”

Horror is one of the most political genres in film. It can make sense, but here we have it so awkwardly forced in that is wrecks and already bad movie. Cheesy kills with over-the-top gore inflicted upon empty characters means nothing. Further, you can’t talk about how bad the mob is and then make them the heroes twenty minutes later.

I’m not entirely sure what the worst aspect of this film is. I honestly believe if I told all the creative writers at my school to write the worst possible Halloween script that tried to be “real and gritty” they would not be able to do worse than this. The writing of this film is atrocious, the dialogue is insulting, and the story itself has become a laughable shell of what it once was.

If this movie finally kills Halloween, I would be okay with that. I give remakes and reboots a lot of leeway, but this is sheer incompetence that is almost hard to fathom. How this ever got out of the writing room is something that will remain a mystery.

The most frustrating part is that we have a young Hawkins with his partner (played by the charming Jim Cummings) in flashbacks. These two men are reconciling the reality of what they thought the town was and what it became after Myers’ attacks (as they stalk him in 1978). That’s an interesting movie with interesting characters. Why don’t we have this? No? We’ll just have Jamie Lee Curtis mean mug it for her whole 8 minutes of screentime instead? Bring a whole bunch of new cannon fodder in for no reason? Have no reason for this film to exist? Cool!

We have a (not) shocking moment where a major character dies in this one. The whole thing feels like it was added after the fact, and I am sure the actress decided this series was not worth being a part of anymore. I can’t blame her. This film is an embarrassment. Even with all of the piss poor sequels that are awful films, this may have been my worst experience watching any of the Halloween series.

A terrible excuse for a story. Ignore this movie.